Eighteen in 2018

Inspired by the Happier by Gretchen Rubin podcast, I have created my eighteen in 2018 list.
For accountability, I am sharing it here, in no particular order:

1. Read twelve books
2. Host Galentine's Day Party
3. Finish Quicker by the Dozen Quilt by 12/24/18 as a Christmas gift
4. Donate twelve bags
5. Bind car quilt
6. CMS Club February Meeting - Mindfulness and Self Care
7. Catch Up on City of Jackson Taxes
8. Pilates - 52 Classes
9. Save $50 per paycheck
10. Paint remaining furniture
11. eBay twelve items
12. Complete Doxie Holiday Sweater Quilt
13. Treadmill - 500 miles
14. Send at least twelve birthday cards (snail mail)
15. Three preemie quilts donated
16. Show up early
17. Financial review completed by 4/23/18
18. Lead Consumers Energy Paws in the Park Team and raise $2000 personally

The Universe Gives You What You Need

On Sunday morning, the pups and I started the day with a walk at Cascades Park. RahRah has a hard time controlling herself around other dogs, so to avoid any potential problems, we chose to walk down the dirt path that splits the park in two. It was a gorgeous morning. Cool with the perfect amount of sunshine. The monsters were having a great time running around, sniffing things to their hearts content. I, on the other hand, was stuck inside my head. The events leading up to the weekend were at the top of my mind. My car is a disaster - another repair pending. My mom gave me $ which makes me feel grateful and like a total incompetent adult all at the same time. I cried. a lot. like total meltdown crying. I went grocery shopping for the first time in MONTHS yesterday. I had no food at my house. I am tired of being alone and feeling like I have no one to depend on (which, ironically,is totally my fault because I act like I am fine and I don't need anyone). Anyway, I was on the verge of losing it for the XX time in 48 hours... when this gorgeous monarch butterfly just swoops in front of my face. Reality check. I have been told that butterflies are the spirit of deceased loved ones. It was like my dad swooped out of no where to tell me it's going to be okay {and perhaps to pull it together - lol} I have not seen a monarch for quite awhile and it's timing was perfection. A reminder to stop thinking, to stop the self-loathing conversation in my head and to live in the moment... and of course to think about my dad. Whether or not you believe in the butterfly theory, it was a lovely moment of the universe giving me exactly what I needed.

NYE #4 - Pittsburgh

Somehow, I will be celebrating my fourth NYE in Pittsburgh... it feels surreal. We will be dining at Vallozzi's downtown - which I have been hearing about for quite sometime. The restaurant has a mozzarella bar, which sounds RIGHT up my alley - YUM.

The double edged sword known as social media...

Violated by social media... that has been the theme of my past 24 hour period. So, yesterday, my ex-husband was remarried. To a girl named Becky. Who doesn't look like she's missed a meal in recent history... girl, that is what Spanx are for. Needless to say, when I made the huge mistake of getting married, I hadn't eaten in about a month. So on our honeymoon, I looked like a starved child (with *really* small boobs) Anxiety is a bitch. I knew yesterday was "the day". I truly didn't really care... it was kind of a relief actually. I almost sent a present, planning to select an item off of the happy couple's Williams-Sonoma registry that may have been on our registry as well (how tacky) with a thank you note(!) but my logical mother talked me out of that idea. As the day progressed, my facebook feed was sporadically showing wedding congratulation posts and then the photos started showing up. ON MY NEWSFEED. ugh. Including the fact that they were using the same flower girl and pink was the main color of their reception (how original). The item that just pushed me over.the.edge was the picture of them kissing at the ceremony. I'm offically done with facebook for a least a couple of days. LAME. Trying to get the wedding images out of my head so I don't have wedding nightmares or start reliving the horrible arguments of my marriage. Horrific.

June 25

June 25 was a day that didn't have any significance to me.  This year, the approaching date was looming on the horizon and I KNEW it was coming.  The anniversary of the day my heart was broken - more like crushed, really - and I had NO idea it was coming.

My parents have always protected me, almost to a fault.  I grew up with a happy childhood living in a world of unicorns and rainbows.  When I listened to the voicemail my mom left me on June 24, 2012, I knew that was all abruptly coming to an end.

My dad was sick.  like terminally sick.  and I was in complete denial.  My mom was calling to tell me he was taken to the hospital by ambulance and that we had to come home immediately.

After rushing to my apartment and throwing together a bag of mismatched nonsensical items, I frantically drove to pick up my sister.  Thank god for her.  We had each other to calm our nerves and continue our state of denial for a couple more hours.

I still cannot believe he is gone. and I miss him.  every. single. day.

This picture is the epitome of my childhood.

My dad in a softball uniform holding me.  The boat.  The blue truck.  The dog that I don't really remember, but have heard stories about (notice that it appears to be biting me)

A tentative return...

After a LONG hiatus from the blogging world, I'm tentatively dipping a single baby toe back in the water.  Honestly, it's been a LONG year... a year full of heartache, tears, growing out my grey hair and trying to figure out who the hell I am.

2013 Update:  My heart is broken.  I still cry almost daily.  My hair is white (my fun boyfriend who is in complete denial calls it "platinum").  I still don't know who I am.  Clearly not much has changed. 

There are some silver linings (HA!  Not even thinking about my hair!!): 

1. My family is amazing.
2. I have a pretty spectacular boyfriend.
3. MoMo & RahRah still make me VERY happy.
4. We have added a new kitty to the family, adopted from Cascades Humane Society on June 12, 2013 - MiMi.
5. I am chairing a fabulous gala in October.  I am excited at the prospect of blowing the financial goal out of the water!! 
6. I am devoting time to quilting, reading and baking... starting today.  I made chocolate chip, oatmeal & walnut cookies.  YUM!

Oh, and I met Jen Lancaster last week :)  Check that off the list!  {she is amazing in person!}  I asked her to sign my copy of "I'm Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship"  So FUN!  I am about half-way through "The Tao of Martha" and it is so funny!  I read her last book, "Here I Go Again" poolside on the North Shore of Oahu.... it is a fun fiction that was the perfect vacation read.

 

Hopefully, another post will be coming soon... and there will be a quilt update (YAY!)



Woodhurst Baby Quilt

Baby Avery has arrived.  I hope she likes her quilt :)